Russell and Jeffrey It is important for not only you, but for anyone who suffers a family conflict like this to have the tools to understand what has happened and how we can fix it.
These are articles from experts and parents that can help you understand so that hopefully a healing process will begin. Eventually you both will learn this information. I believe it is
better to expose you to this now than later.
The people with whom I have consulted believe that your knowledge is POWER! OK?
Please Read and Remember that I love you both and am very, very proud of you.
The results are devastating for the alienated child/teen and can last a lifetime. Not only does the child miss out on a lifetime of having an enjoyable and fulfilling
relationship with the parent they have been conditioned to reject, they also develop some serious pathological behaviors and attitudes that carry in to their adult lives.
Splitting: This is the psychological phenomenon of seeing people as either "all bad" or "all good," or "black or white." Everything is polarized and the person has an inability to see shades of gray...
the psychological damage to a child/teen who is trained by one parent to reject another parent has serious and profound negative effects on that child's ability to form any type of healthy intimate attachments in adulthood.
Parental Alienation is a form of DV. Parental Alienation is one of the most heart‐wrenching and cruel forms of domestic abuse and Domestic Violence in which
one parent(alienator) uses a child to reject a loving(targeted) parent to perpetuate abuse after the relationship is over. The Alienator treats the child as their
possessions, not as a normal Parent‐Child relationship.
Within an adversarial legal process, non‐custodial parents are often subjected to shame and stigma, lack of access to their children, and devaluation of
their role as parents. And those who speak about the pain and woundedness in their lives are subjected to a mean‐spirited cultural response, where their
talk of woundedness is mocked.
Most alienated parents are non‐custodial fathers,...The experience of being removed as a loving parent from the life of one's child via a sole custody order strikes at the
heart of one's being. Suicide rates are reported to be of epidemic proportions among parents, fathers in particular, who are struggling to maintain a parenting relationship with their children ...
Being vigilant regarding symptoms of post‐traumatic stress and suicidal ideation among non‐custodial and alienated fathers
Undermining loving parent‐child relationships as child maltreatment.
Parental alienation involves the "programming" of a child by one parent to denigrate the other, "targeted" parent, in an effort to undermine
and interfere with the child's/teen's relationship with that parent, and is often a sign of a parent's inability to separate from the couple conflict
and focus on the needs of the child. Such denigration results in the child's/teen's emotional rejection of the targeted parent, and the loss of a capable and loving parent from the child's/teen's life.
As many as 4 million or more children/teens are victims of alienation abuse by a parent or grandparents. This video focuses on the 2nd victim in alienation abuse, the targeted parent.
Target parents have been interviewed and research demonstrates the majority of these alienation examples are with highly manipulative people who literally control virtually every aspect
of the child/teens life. Lack of privacy, surveillance and spying are the tools of maintaining control over the child/teen, while the target parent looks on helplessly and with a very real
traumatic sickness.
A Giant in the Field of research and development in the pathology of attachment based parental alienation is Dr. Craig Childress. This video is the first in a series and is
now a classic in a brutally honest and straightforward discussion of this terrible pathology affecting so many today. The real problem in society is the increase over
the past 1/2 century of people who have narcissistic pathology disorders who become abusive to their families. Hear Dr. Childress and watch for more videos in this series.
Encapsulated persecutory delusions, rejection of a normal range parent, lack of empathy or regrets are part of the signs of a child or teen who is demonstrating that they have been
manipulated by parental abuse. Grandparents and parents may have equal power to inflict such damage. Watch this video and see how a child or teen would be expected to
act when they have been victims of parental/grandparent abuse. And, learn how to escape.
"...the alienating parent, often skilled in the use of adversarial combat (and thus rewarded within the current adversarial system), has
the upper hand. In this upside‐down world, your child is being taken from you, and no one seems to care or understand. The emotional
trauma inflicted on the targeted parent is severe, and the grief of the targeted parent is deep."
Few people would argue that one of the worst experiences one can have in life as a human on this planet is losing a child. When a child dies, it is normal for the bereaved parents to experience grief and emotional distress.
...there is another way to lose a child ‐ through parental alienation. Cases such as kidnapping, abduction, court orders or contact denial can cause similar grief responses
in the targeted parent where a child is still alive, but non-existent in the life of one of its parents.
The response and the suffering can even be worse than had the child actually died, because the knowledge that the child is still out there, somewhere, means that the
targeted parent is unable to go through the usual processes which relieve the symptoms of grief ‐ making sense of the loss and coming to terms with it
In my study of mental child abuse I've noticed how prevalent it is that the child abuser is highly narcissistic.
What's a narcissistic parent? It's someone who is self‐absorbed, authoritarian (watch out for their outbursts), negative, a know‐it‐all, never culpable or blameworthy for anything,
highly critical of others, secretive, cunning and conniving, manipulative, exploitive, stingy with others (but not themselves), ungrateful, a pathological liar (twists the truth
with incredible ease), envious and competitive, deaf to other's opinions, has zero empathy, doesn’t listen, doesn't seek agreement ...
It takes an extremely selfish and sick parent to inflict such harm onto their own child.
Parental alienation cases are among the most troublesome in divorce court. Those dealing with alienated teenagers are particularly difficult. Judges are often confronted with evidence
clearly demonstrating that the alienation is occurring and that the alienated teenager does not want to have contact with the targeted parent.
Often frustrated parents are confronted with judicial decisions that read something like: "This teenager is now of an age where, even if he/she
may be too immature to appreciate what is best for him or her, he or she cannot be physically forced to remain where he or she does not want to be."...
Recent studies have reported that most children's protests evaporate when reunited with a rejected parent. Instead of appeasing a teenager's demands,
the courts can order an intervention to assist children/teens in adjusting to court orders that place them with their rejected parent.
Not only does she question your (Dad's) skills as a parent, she criticizes your Dad openly behind your back. She also says negative things about your kids, even to
them directly when you're not there to defend them. She scrutinizes them to find faults and cuts everyone down to make herself feel better.
You may stop feeling comfortable leaving her alone with your kids.
She may be so self-centered and have such lousy relationship skills that she never connects on a personal level with any adult (much less kids)...but she still expects everyone to pretend.
Narcissists are known for their shallow feelings and for having a limited range of emotion.
She is the only authority she respects, and she will undermine you as a parent not only because she disagrees with you but simply because she wants to be the boss.
She has the whole family doing things for her but acts like it's for their benefit, not hers. A narcissistic grandmother occupies the family like a hungry spider in the
center of a web. She will take every move you make, every word you say and use it to her advantage.
We Have Kids
Let's Try to Make this a Happy Picture!
YOUR KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!
TEENAGERS - YOUNG ADULTS - OVER 18 ADULTS
JEFFREY AND RUSSELL - THIS IS A MESSAGE TO BOTH OF YOU!
START A NEW LIFE WITH YOUR "ERASED" DAD. RECONNECT WITH HIM AND BUILD A NEW RELATIONSHIP FILLED WITH BEAUTIFUL NEW MEMORIES
Have you been DENIED contact with your dad? If so, you are a victim of "NO CONTACT" Alienation child abuse. You deserve to know your dad. Your dad has been "ERASED"
from your life on purpose and he has spent a tortorous days either fighting in court to be a part of your life or fighting to find you. Help him get back into your life and submit your own "Profile Message"
to reconnect with your dad who love you and misses you.
Start by submitting a profile message under the "Create Message" tab.
Provide a photo to be added to your Profile Message
You can add ONE photo to your Profile Message, please send it in a separate email to: OurErasedFamilies@gmail.com
Lady Justice Macur gave firm and clear guidance about the importance of contact. Parents who obstruct a relationship with the other parent are
inflicting untold damage on their children and it is, in my view, about time that professionals truly understood this."
"The possibility of short-term upset must be balanced against the long-term benefits which are likely to accrue if contact is established."
"namely that the court should consider whether the fundamental need of every child to have an enduring relationship with both parents is
outweighed by the depth of harm to the particular child that might thereby be caused by the contact order."
This case affords another vivid illustration of the inability of a court, in any jurisdiction, to protect children from all the consequences of the way their parents choose to behave.
Where criticism of parenting is exclusively referable to issues of contact a transfer of residence will, of course, always remain the exceptional response, but there must be
times when the court is able and seen to be willing to carry through a transfer of residence when all else has failed The judge transferred residence to the father
The mother persistently interfered with contact arrangements including breaches of an interim order
This case affords another vivid illustration of the inability of a court, in any jurisdiction, to protect children from all the consequences of the way their parents
choose to behave. Where criticism of parenting is exclusively referable to issues of contact a transfer of residence will, of course, always remain the
exceptional response, but there must be times when the court is able and seen to be willing to carry through a transfer of residence when all else has failed
Parental Alienation and Custody Battles
Custody battles are a difficult time for all parties involved. They become even more difficult when one parent alienates (unfairly manipulates a child to reject the other parent) a child against the other parent.
Thankfully courts are moving towards an extreme approach in such cases, and may go as far as to remove a child from the custody of an alienating parent and place them in the custody
of the alienated parent, provided they undergo reconciliation therapy.
Reverse Custody with Therapy: A.M. v C.H.
In the recent case of A.M. v C.H., the Ontario Court of Appeal upheld the trial judge's decision to remove an alienated child from the custody of his alienating mother and place
him in the sole custody of his alienated father. The child was not permitted to see his mother until he satisfied the court that he was meaningfully engaging in reconciliation therapy with his father.
Parental Alienation and Its Repair
When a court has determined that one parent alienates the child/teen's affections from the other, the most common response is to limit custody time with the alienating
parent and increase time with the parent who has been alienated. This aims to reorient the child/teen's biased perception of the rejected parent and circumscribe the time
spent exposed to the alienating parent's perceptions (Renaud v. Renaud cited in Handbook). A large study published by the American Bar Association reported beneficial
results from such decisions and a repair in the parent‐child/teen's relationship even in cases of severe alienation.
Reversal of Custody "Of the approximately four hundred cases we have seen where the courts have increased the contact with the rejected parent (and in half of these, over the objection
of the children/teens), there has been positive change in 90% of the relationships between the child/teen and the rejected parent" (Handbook, p. 144).
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